Anxiety-Making... and other allusions you may or may not understand...

Oh how long it has been. I just want to apologize to my parents and friends back home because I know you are lost without me and this is the one way of staying in touch with me. So again, I am so thoroughly sorry, but can't promise I can keep it up. I did pretty good for the first month though.

So here is some sad news. I don't know if I will be able to get my tattoo here. We went to Edmonton (which was so much fun) last weekend, but having such a love for clothes I spent my tattoo money. So going to college next year and paying for that stuff is more important that a tattoo at this stage in my life, though it really does pain me to say so. I called D+M seriously for about two weeks trying to get in for an appointment, but either they had no free spots or Chad, the artist I want to tattoo me, wasn't in. So it is really a bust for me and makes me sad. If I had all the money in the world (or a steady paying job) I might be able to consider it, but since I am a summer volunteer going to college next year and therefore putting myself in debt because of OSAP with no job prospects in the future, I can't really be frivolous. (I wasn't really thinking about that in Edmonton...)

Other than that nothing is really on my mind. We are supposed to have a Graffiti clean up around the city tomorrow morning, but there is talk of rain. It has rained all week. We haven't gotten and tattoo stories this week. The whole city seems to be in a weird funk because of the bad weather. This morning was gorgeous which helped a bit. We just need our sunlight!

Oh my family and friends are all going to Kingdom Bound... That is so sad because this is the first year my fam is going and I won't be there. I believe the Hunt's left today and everyone else leaves tomorrow. I actually am really missing it. I think I am preparing my heart to leave already. In a way I don't want to because we have made a lot of friends here and it has been an amazing summer, but 3 months is a long time to be away from home. (I figured if you include the 10 days driving time it ends up being 3 months approx.) I guess I am just ready.

Overall though I think I have definitely grown a lot! Jen was telling me she thinks I have really softened, become gentler and deeper. I think this is partially the case, but also I am just getting tired. And frustrated, but mostly tired. I know God has it under control but it still is anxiety-making! (catch the Pretty's reference there?) I'm glad for the friends I have and have made here though. I have a hard time talking about my own issues and anxieties because I am so used to listening to others' problems and don't take time to work my own out. I just hold it all inside until I am about to burst. SO I am glad I have people who can just be there for me and for a Savior who is always willing to listen even when I feel like I can't tell anyone else.... when I don't want to tell anyone else.

Alright well I wasn't planning on getting in to all that... but ya. There's me in a nutshell!